Written by Lore Villaroya 🤎
There are different ways of building your confidence. And spoiler alert: you don’t need anyone to have it. Here’s how.
Truth be told, confidence is like the garments you wear every day. You remove it at the end of the day and wear it back again the next. And just like how people sew pieces of fabrics together to make them, there are different practices that can build your confidence to the top.
Garments are essential in life, and it’s so much like one’s confidence. We may change them at the end of the day but it doesn’t go away. It’s just there, and we just don’t acknowledge it sometimes because we’re so used to it already we don’t realize it anymore.
However, the unreasonable beauty standards society inflicts today are stripping us off of these garments. Sometimes, a single poke can even tear it all apart. That said, here are some simple practices to keep your garments intact, and just simply have something to fall back into.
Learn to appreciate yourself. Confidence is reflective.
Honestly, it all boils down to yourself. Some people even say, if you don’t appreciate yourself, who else will? I beg to disagree, but that’d be another story. Going back, appreciating yourself helps you glow from within. It is the kind of appreciation that doesn’t drift away.
Sometimes, we are so good at looking at other people’s highlights that we think of ourselves as less than. May it be because we haven’t achieved the same things they have, or they had things better and easier than we did, we belittle ourselves. But here’s the thing; it doesn’t matter.
There are a lot of factors that affect the way we are given things. What we can control, however, is the way we deal with ourselves. So, focus on that instead. Practice looking at yourself the way you look at others. Say kinder things, and duly listen to them. Protect and nurture your well-being.
Be self-compassionate. Confidence translates!
You can’t expect a flower to bloom without proper sunlight and water supply. So just as a flower needs sufficient nutrients, you need some positive self-talk and self-compassion, too. Confidence is an internal matter that only you can nurture. It’s the kind of care that lasts long term.
The thing is, being self-compassionate allows you to see yourself in a kind light. Personally, I often think of myself as less than. Not until I realize it is what’s holding me back all along. Now, I am happy to be more mindful of what I say to myself and remember the bad b that I am. Sometimes, all it takes is a little reminder. So try giving yourself that.
For so long, I have chased after people for their validation. Eventually, I realized it makes my affection towards myself fluctuate depending on their proximity and availability to me. And I didn’t want that. I gave myself the exact thing I was asking for from them, and I’ve never been happier and carefree.
Stop the comparison
A saying online goes, “There's no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it's their time.” Similarly, you can’t compare your progress to other people because you are two different individuals with varying capabilities and given opportunities.
According to a study conducted by Vrabel, et. al. in 2018, there is a connection between how you see others and how you consequently see yourself. The more you envy them, the more that you put yourself down.
Therefore, comparisons are downright unhealthy. So instead of doing so, it is much more beneficial to nurture yourself. You can do so by appreciating yourself. This can be done through celebrating your small wins, practicing your passion, honing your skills, and even keeping a gratitude journal.
One of the things that can make people feel good is being in control. However, all the drama and struggles that came with the pandemic have blurred that certainty. That doesn’t mean your confidence should, too.
Setting goals allow people to take their control back. Besides, we have the power and it’s about time for us to own that. We can control our lives the way we want to, only when we realize our capability of doing so.
So to rekindle that sense of control and to also build your confidence back up, you can start setting SMART goals that you can easily achieve. Take it day by day, and look at how much progress you’ve made. Trust me, it works.
Why confidence matters
There are already a lot of battles that happen all over our surroundings. You shouldn’t have a battle with yourself, too. And you can certainly prevent that by being confident and by knowing that whatever life gives you, you can get through it.
Confidence is such a wonderful garment you can wear every day that causes a ripple effect on different aspects of your life, even beyond oneself. So, be a little kinder today! It doesn’t take someone to make you feel good. It just takes a little decision-making, sometimes.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lore was born in an unheard of province in Mindanao to an OFW and a teacher that conditioned her in life; she’s privileged. But she spent her teenage years making boundaries and setting things straight; she’s not. To date, you can see her digital footprint in various media platforms trying to carve a world where she is a determined, passionate writer rather than a spoon-fed, first-born daughter.